1. Reinforce the value of family life by watching episodes of The Sopranos while writing Christmas cards.
2. Make list of pros and cons for Christmas tree vs windfall branch.
3. Retrieve boxes of Christmas decorations from basement to find that rats have been living in and on them (for about 11 months according to the 17 pounds of scat). Have a little cry over lack of fugly homemade ornaments this year.
4. Bake, burn and break Ginger bread men, thus creating Terry Fox and Nelson Mandela Hero cookies.
5. Read "Catch-up Christmas Correspondence from Candie,” an 8 page doozer of a letter from your skinny, wealthy cousin living in Hawaii on the World Bank’s dime. Twist in to talisman, douse in fondue fuel and burn while drinking a flaming snifter of brandy.
6. Make rush order for rendering truck to deal with neighbour’s expensive, purebred puppy who’s last meal was, the apparently tasty, Rat-Away.
7. Retract all “safe and comfortable personal boundaries" rules while pressing children towards a shifty looking, Union Party, Santa.
8. Get stocking stuffers at the “Melamine For A Dollar” store because children are unlikely to live very far into their 20’s anyway.
9. Snap “Baby’s First Bobsleigh Ride” CD under heal after spin #479 then break open the (for the office only) chocolates, in an attempt to keep the 5 year old from phoning Daddy or the Children's Help Line.
10. Divorce husband 12 times, psychically, because a month ago he said, "everything's under control", but has only just now disappeared into the workshop to tackle the promised, life-size, nativity scene - due for the service tomorrow.
11. Scratch head when the only thing you wanted under the tree isn’t there -- which is odd because you bought it, wrapped it, and gave it to your husband (who, apparently, promptly gave it to his mother). See item #10.
12. Remind sister-in-law of the fragility of great granny's crystal cabinet contents, in light of last year’s, “I’m even drunker than my wedding day”, shenanigans.
2. Make list of pros and cons for Christmas tree vs windfall branch.
3. Retrieve boxes of Christmas decorations from basement to find that rats have been living in and on them (for about 11 months according to the 17 pounds of scat). Have a little cry over lack of fugly homemade ornaments this year.
4. Bake, burn and break Ginger bread men, thus creating Terry Fox and Nelson Mandela Hero cookies.
5. Read "Catch-up Christmas Correspondence from Candie,” an 8 page doozer of a letter from your skinny, wealthy cousin living in Hawaii on the World Bank’s dime. Twist in to talisman, douse in fondue fuel and burn while drinking a flaming snifter of brandy.
6. Make rush order for rendering truck to deal with neighbour’s expensive, purebred puppy who’s last meal was, the apparently tasty, Rat-Away.
7. Retract all “safe and comfortable personal boundaries" rules while pressing children towards a shifty looking, Union Party, Santa.
8. Get stocking stuffers at the “Melamine For A Dollar” store because children are unlikely to live very far into their 20’s anyway.
9. Snap “Baby’s First Bobsleigh Ride” CD under heal after spin #479 then break open the (for the office only) chocolates, in an attempt to keep the 5 year old from phoning Daddy or the Children's Help Line.
10. Divorce husband 12 times, psychically, because a month ago he said, "everything's under control", but has only just now disappeared into the workshop to tackle the promised, life-size, nativity scene - due for the service tomorrow.
11. Scratch head when the only thing you wanted under the tree isn’t there -- which is odd because you bought it, wrapped it, and gave it to your husband (who, apparently, promptly gave it to his mother). See item #10.
12. Remind sister-in-law of the fragility of great granny's crystal cabinet contents, in light of last year’s, “I’m even drunker than my wedding day”, shenanigans.