Safety Sue on Avoiding the Perils of Polygamy
06.01.09
“Marriage more than twice, is not very nice.”
by Deb Williams
Safety Sue
says
“Marriage more than twice, is not very nice.”
Even in an ideal polygamous “it-takes-a-village-to-make-a thousand-babies “ community there are safety issues. I’m not just talking about the dangers of marrying off your 11 year-old daughter to a 65 year stranger in Utah.
Parties with your birthday boy’s 97 brothers and sisters could break your household budget in hotdog and goodie bag costs alone, not to mention the statistical chances of a coin or lego block asphyxiation. Have a number of smaller group Poly Parties over the course of a birthday season so you and your sister/wives are aware of the dangers lurking in every piñata.
Sue, How About the Outside World?
Victorian Buggy Bonnets act like equine blinkers. They were dangerous in the horse drawn era and they have become increasingly deadly in the Hummer decades. Make sure your children’s calicos and home woven baskets are neon pinks and greens so they are easily picked out either on the dirt road or in snow drifts.
And while you’re worrying about attire, best to colour code your litter so when you’re brood is mixin’ with those of your 29 sister/wives’, you know which young un’s to bring on home with ya. Or stay in school past grade 6 so you can just count them.
But Sue, What Happens When Daddy goes to Jail?
Let’s call it a safety holiday: when Big Papa’s not sitting at the table no one risks auditory damage from his belligerent and bellicose bellowing. And no need to risk perilous streamer-hanging ladder-time time because while the holy father is in the can he’s unlikely to be adding to his female harem.
Next Week Safety Sue looks at the dangers intrinsic in an unschooled democratically run hippy household.
“Marriage more than twice, is not very nice.”
Even in an ideal polygamous “it-takes-a-village-to-make-a thousand-babies “ community there are safety issues. I’m not just talking about the dangers of marrying off your 11 year-old daughter to a 65 year stranger in Utah.
Parties with your birthday boy’s 97 brothers and sisters could break your household budget in hotdog and goodie bag costs alone, not to mention the statistical chances of a coin or lego block asphyxiation. Have a number of smaller group Poly Parties over the course of a birthday season so you and your sister/wives are aware of the dangers lurking in every piñata.
Sue, How About the Outside World?
Victorian Buggy Bonnets act like equine blinkers. They were dangerous in the horse drawn era and they have become increasingly deadly in the Hummer decades. Make sure your children’s calicos and home woven baskets are neon pinks and greens so they are easily picked out either on the dirt road or in snow drifts.
And while you’re worrying about attire, best to colour code your litter so when you’re brood is mixin’ with those of your 29 sister/wives’, you know which young un’s to bring on home with ya. Or stay in school past grade 6 so you can just count them.
But Sue, What Happens When Daddy goes to Jail?
Let’s call it a safety holiday: when Big Papa’s not sitting at the table no one risks auditory damage from his belligerent and bellicose bellowing. And no need to risk perilous streamer-hanging ladder-time time because while the holy father is in the can he’s unlikely to be adding to his female harem.
Next Week Safety Sue looks at the dangers intrinsic in an unschooled democratically run hippy household.